One for Us

This weekend Daddy was gone to Michigan. He was there for David's birthday and the blessing of their baby girl, Nelina. Grandma and Stephen were able to go too. It was a great chance for Daddy to take some time away from work and school and have a good time with his brothers. While we knew we would be missing him everyday while he was gone, I had no idea how strange it would be once kids were in bed and it was just me. No one there to talk to. Boring. As a result, many thoughts were roller coaster-ing through my mind. Some good ones too, at least in my opinion.

This is what I came up with.
I was remembering back when I first met him and we had become friends as missionaries and then started dating. It was a fairly new thing for me, not so much for him. At some point in the relationship, I had to become...gulp, vulnerable. Not an easy task for me. I'd always tried staying strong and impenetrable to the influences others would put on me. Okay, sure there were times where I had been hurt or desensitized by others, but would I ever let them know it? Not a chance. With the exception of my parents (who were smarter than I ever gave them credit for) no one was ever allowed into the thoughts of my mind nor especially the feelings of my heart. So this was all relatively new to me. I had to let my guard down and allow him to see who I really was. All my shortcomings and insecurities. Like an ogre, I had layers. If I had been him, I'm not sure I would have wanted me around at all!

I know I did my best to drive him away. How much could he put up with? What would happen when he got to know me better? Not to say that I'm all that bad, but I'm pretty sure I was different than any other girl he had been around. May be a good thing. For example: belching. I was good at it. Eventually he told me that it bothered him and asked if I would stop. Sure, not like it's good manners anyway, and it's good that I stopped, because I would never want my kids to share that talent. Then there's makeup. Never used the stuff. Tried, hated it. Wedding day, I caved. I was vulnerable now, right? I gave in to the influences of a good friend, who saw me through the whole makeover ordeal. Chris was floored. Of course, can't do it again. He still gives me a hard time about not wearing any, though as sweet as he can, with encouragement.
Still can't do it. Still loves me.

Since having kids, there have been many more changes. We are more aware of things we say and do and have tried to better ourselves. As a result, our expectations of one another increase. It's a never-ending-growing battle. A few steps forward, a few back. I know I am a better person because of him, and no matter what happens, we're in this together.