Days

So many questions and not a lot of answers.

I may never have all the answers I want. I'm realizing this.

I'm trying to avoid asking Why?
I would drive myself crazy if I asked why all the time.

Elder Scott said not to ask Heavenly Father why, but instead what is it that He wants me to learn from this experience? He also spoke about thanking him for placing so much trust in us when He gives us the opportunity to overcome difficulties.

I can't get warm. I feel so cold all the time.
It's not even good days and bad days. It's more like good minute, bad 10 minutes.

On Monday I had a nice conversation with my doctor.
I wanted to know if it was still possible to have a healthy baby after going through all this.
He simply said "You Will."
He also said that he thought I was "ahead of the game both spiritually and emotionally".
He told me I was strong.
I certainly don't feel strong.

Chris went back to work on Monday.
I wish he could be home all the time.
It just makes everything better when he's home.

Talking with my mom, she reminded me that we are commanded to be happy in this life.
That means that we have to put our faith and trust in Heavenly Father and Jesus to help us get through rough times-. That's how we learn. That's how we become better.
It's another lesson in humility.
I can't be a control freak.
I am not in control.
I don't know why that doesn't stick.

The baby is fine. That's what Mom told me.
He's at the family estate in Heaven.
Chris' grandmother is holding him.

Trying to make a follow-up appointment in San Diego is annoying!
Every time I call, I am put on hold for an hour.
My cell phone is touchy out here, and can't remain on hold for an hour.
Then I call back and everyone's out to lunch.
I don't really want to see that doctor again, anyway. She may hurt me again.

Leah pooped in her potty last night. No frills. She just took off her diaper and went.
If Dillan hadn't said anything, I probably would have never known. Until later.
Thank goodness Chris was ready and willing to take care of it.

I got a card in the mail from Grandma. I have the best family in the world.
It's a hallmark card. It says
The most beautiful stones have been tossed by the wind and washed by the water
and polished to brilliance by life's strongest storms.

I have received so many phone calls, emails, cards, meals, plants, flowers. No, I'm not alone.
Detta and Amber mentioned me on their blog.
No, I'm not alone.
The prayers and thoughts are working. Thank You

Chris wants to plant a tree.
I want to release balloons with the kids. They'd love it!
Everyday I go online searching for a piece of jewelry. I'm not sure what I want, but I really want to remember my baby in some way.
I want it to be discreet. I don't wear a lot of jewelry anyway.
I want it unique.
I'll find something soon.